My husband and I both struggle on a daily basis. We struggle with a tendency towards laziness. We’d both rather watch tv and play games and read books or blogs than do anything else. (Doesn’t everyone?) So why is it a struggle to focus on work?
We both grew up in houses where our parents worked to provide enough money for our comforts, We were fed, we had good lives, but none of our parents enjoyed their lives (their whole lives). They went to work just because they had to do it, there was no joy in working, there was no joy in things getting done. Our parents came home from their duty and started enjoying family and watching tv. Even though we knew what they did and they weren’t necessarily unhappy, it also didn’t make them happy or fill them with passion. Don’t get me wrong, I (and he) were instilled with values of duty and excellence and general succesful life tactics but I’m beginning to suspect that none of that matters as much as the fact that we were at the same time being subconsciously taught that work can never be fun.
I want to enjoy my whole life. I want to be entrepreneurial. I want to follow my passion. I want work to be fun. Now that I know that’s the problem, I’m posting this because it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to believe it every day and reprogram myself (and my husband) to think that way. Here goes.
Every thing in my life that is worth doing I have needed someone to help push me along. Whether it’s hesitation in the beginning because I don’t think I’m qualified to apply to school, waning faith in the middle of working that I understood the question clearly enough to develop a solution, or frustration during the all-nighter before it’s all due I always find myself needing a push.
I think that’s the way it is supposed to be. We are social creatures after all.
Posted in Act of Dueling
- Tagged challenge, critical, doubt, faith, fear, laziness, lessons, personal developments, push, school, self-confidence, success, swimming, teaching
I find myself almost daily asking the same question. What do I need in my life?
The question comes up not as a list of all the things to be kept, but as a searing, train-of-thought stopping “Do I really need THIS in my life?” whenever I’m doing something particularly heinous. Like washing dishes or staying up until 3 am to build a model. There is something about doing difficult things that results in a knee-jerk wishful thought that maybe I don’t have to do this.
Its human nature to think of a simpler, lazier way out. Laziness is an essential part of our creativity. Otherwise we would still be walking and carrying everything we owned on our backs rather than inventing the wheel. Maybe my generation has come to value the lazy part of human nature too much. This is why a recent Harvard study found that 56% of my peers don’t graduate from a 4 year program in 6 years. A multitude of reasons could lead to this statistic: difficulty of classes, hatred of teachers, inability to time manage, rising tuition cost, irrelevance to the job market and probably a million more. These reasons center on how lazy we’ve become at defining the importance of college. It’s not enough for us to know “college is important.” If that’s all we know then when the inevitable stress begins and we ask “Do I really need this?” the answer will be no.
My long time mentor, Augie Turak, just wrote a post on Forbes.com calling out people who are crippled by thinking just like that. He describes the red hot heart of leadership as the willingness to commit to, not just what you’re doing, but why you’re doing it. For me, that means that you have a reason to say yes. I’ve been in Architecture school for a year now and inevitably when it’s 3 am and the 3rd night of glueing tiny pieces of bass wood together the question always comes up. And I answer yes because one of the first things Augie every told me he wrote in this post:
It is not the failure to succeed that produces despair. It is the failure to try.
A person will never be successful at something if he/she doesn’t try. Trying every difficult thing is important – more important is having a reason to try every difficult thing. Without a reason, there is no commitment. With a reason there is an answer to doubt. Being committed is to be so focused on the reason that every other action is in service to that reason. In many ways commitment is the opposite of balance, but commitment actually can’t exist without the questioning of it. The very act of questioning, of doubting strengthens our commitment to important things that are worth difficulty (building a model) and also gives us the power to let go of difficult things that are unnecessary and unhealthy to keep in our lives (building a model at 3 am). Laziness is part of the equation, it’s what fuels the doubt in difficult times, but we can’t be committed to being lazy. Commitment to the idea of not having to carry our stuff means we worked hard to invent the wheel.